Short Arm Sean

For me, the hardest part of being a dad is striking a balance of wanting to be liked by children, but also being rigid enough to be respected as a parent. It's a tricky tightrope to walk. On one hand, there is a constant desire to have my kids adore me for being the fun dad who gets it. On the other, is the need to enforce structure and guidelines in their lives, which in turn, tends to kill my popularity with these little people.

After being in youth ministry for almost a decade and a half, I have noticed a trend. The kids who consistently struggle with life and tend to get into the most trouble are the ones who have parents that seem to care more about being accepted than respected. These are the parents who have the attitude that says, "I'm just going to let little Johnny find his own way." If this is the way to go, what is the point of a parent anyway?

Let's face it. We all want to be liked by our children. But at what expense? Their ultimate well being? Perhaps the most frustrating situation I face as a student pastor is when I see parents fail to direct their kids to do what is ultimately in their best interest. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard a mom or dad say, "I don't want to force them to ______________." (Fill in the blank with any church/youth ministry activity/event/gathering.) The reasoning for this inevitably goes to some deep-seated fear of resentment which justifies allowing the child to do whatever they want.

It seems ironic to me that parents will allow their kids to not come to youth group or pass on camp because they don't want to "force them", yet this is inconsistent with parenting in other areas. Think about it. Do you let little Susie stay home from school because it may damage your relationship and cause negative feelings toward education? When is the last time we allowed our kids to skip a dentist appointment for fear that they may grow cold toward dental hygiene? Yet, something as important as our children's spiritual well-being somehow gets moved to the "optional" category.

I understand that we don't want to cram Christianity down our kids throats, however, there is a good chance that if you do not guide your child in that direction, they may never go down that road at all. I'm not suggesting that you bind your son or daughter with a straight-jacket and drop them on the doorstep of youth group this Wednesday. What I do propose is that you stress the importance of involvement in something that is going to shape their character at a core level as they move from adolescence into adulthood. Just something to think about the next time you make your child get up for school and brush their teeth before heading out the door.